Being Better

I’m trying to be a better human.

The problem is that I don’t exactly know what that means.

Life is in a bit of a transitional phase right now…nothing too major, but in flux none the less. Since 2012, I’ve been in school wither full or part-time while finishing my Bachelors and Masters degrees – all while working full time, and trying to be avialable to my husband and daughter. In December that finally ended, and I was left in the settling cloud of post-grad degree dust. As that dust settled, I realized just how removed I had been from anything that remotely resembled a typical life. Suddenly, all those times that people told me that they didn’t understand how I managed to do it, began to make a lot of sense. Looking back to just a few months ago, I have no idea how I did either.

We ate copious amounts of terrible food because we didn’t have the energy to cook. I barely took any time to take care of myself because of the time I had to spend in front of a computer. I stopped reading…writing…taking photographs…or basically doing anything that was remotely enjoyable. If Jon and I sat down to watch a movie at night, I wasn’t so much “watching” it, as I was peeking my head above my computer to give my eyes a rest from the code I was buried in. Weight gain, depression, anxiety, sleepless nights – these were the things that I gained from grad school…oh, and the degree…I guess.

After the dust settled I made a sort of promise to myself, that I’d only do things that make me happy, because it had been a long time since I made my own happiness a priority. College was great and all, but I sacrificed a lot to complete it, and my family sacrificed a lot for me in support of it. I guess this blog is going to my way of rambling and reflecting while we try to sort out what all of this means.