Back when I started this blog, I was fresh off the grueling effort of being a non-traditional student who spent years going headfirst through a Bachelor’s and Master’s degree back to back, while working full time and having an active family life. I anticipated needing a place to write, and brain dump when the dust settled.
That was absolutely the case. But I didn’t.
Why? I don’t know. When you spend years preparing yourself to become this new person with a new set of skills, no one tells you that it is going to take time to process the abrupt end to it all. No one tells you that you’ll feel a bit empty, you’ll feel a bit abandoned by the institutions you spent a significant amount of time associated with.
2019 was rough. That year brought the end of a multi-year process of cleaning out and selling my mother’s house after she passed away. There was a hoarding situation, and it wasn’t pleasant. In fact, it was downright traumatic and a situation I wouldn’t wish on anyone. October brought a significant health scare, nine days in the hospital, and a 10-week recovery period in which medication was being pumped through an IV every 8 hours. I couldn’t walk without a walker or cane. I couldn’t return to work until December. I was quarantined to my house during this period and needed things to return to normal.
Suddenly, it was 2020. It was going to be a new start and it a lot of ways it was. I finally regained my strength post-illness and started to spend a significant amount of time at the gym. In a lot of ways, I felt like I was getting a new lease on life and that it was time to take it seriously. Weight-loss has always been a struggle, and I was starting to make some strides to right my past food-related wrongs. I felt good. My headspace was good. I was meditating regularly. Spring was around the corner and the rebirth it was meant to bring was needed now more than ever.
I don’t think anyone anticipated that this rebirth was going to bring a global pandemic with it. I’m certain no one saw over a year of shutdowns, mandates, and isolations. The city public school system began with a weekend-long deep clean, which turned into a two week long shut down. Ultimately, that shutdown lasted up until today – the first day of a return to a 5-day school week. I’m not going to rehash that here, because if you are reading this, you are still living with it.
It has been a year of depression – but it has also been a year of change and exploration. As the fog over the world begins to lift, it too has lifted from me a little bit. It’s allowing me to start to write here again. I’m excited to see where this is headed and hopeful that it will be a year filled with renewed energy and motivation.